I need a xanax...

This weekend I have to leave my baby boy at home as I venture off to Chicago for about 30hrs (I will be counting down each hour until I'm back home). I have to go to a convention for work...not my idea of fun. Ian's care will fall into the capable hands of Marcus after I type out about 2 pages of "tips/suggestions" to get through those 30hrs. I kid, I kid he will do fine. Me on the other hand give me a xanax.

I remember when I got the email saying that I've been registered to attend I quickly scanned my brain in search of an excuse of why I couldn't go. Nothing good came to mind as I know how karma is and well it's a witch with a b. So, I must put on my big girl panties and count down each and every hour and on the way home I will be counting down each and every mile.

would you rather

Run 10 miles or work 10hrs?

I'd rather run 10 miles then go to work.
Why?
I like running. I dislike work.
Running I can do with Ian, work I cannot (I can but the boss lady says NO).
I'd been done in under 2hrs, work I would not.
I find running enjoying, work I do not.

Solution: find someone to pay me to run, or find a job I enjoy and could work from home or work less for the same hourly pay. Easy enough right?

catch up

Catch Up, randomness style

-this will be Ian's last week of staying with strictly family before he heads back to outside childcare. After some searching and recommendations we are going with a lady named Michele she was state licensed for 18yrs has been in the kiddo care business for over 20yrs. A few years ago she gave up her license so she could spend mroe time with the kids and downsize. Ian will be hanging out there 2 days a week.

-Summer is approaching and we have some exciting stuff to look forward. Aunt CiCi will be coming up the 1st weekend in June to run the 1/2 marathon with me, go to her 10yr class reunion, introduce Ian to a big bathtub (aka a pool), head up to our parents summer place, and my birthday. Wow that makes it sound like she'll be here for 2wks but really just 5 days, 5 jam packed days. We intend to make some weekend trips up to my parents place as well. And in August we'll be boarding a plane and heading to San Diego!!

-I have discovered my problem with work so now I'm trying to fix it.

-Ian has his 4mos check-up on Tuesday any guesses as to what his weight will be? 3wks ago he weighed in at 14lbs 11oz. He had more than doubled his weight.

- will are saying goodbye to this:

we sat down today and made our plan of attack so we don't receive anymore bills for that, should be gone in 7mos!!

-training for the 1/2 marathon is coming along very nicely, already my 5k time has improved. Altough I have no time goal for the 1/2 I just want to finish.

-the past couple weeks Ian and I have been able to meet up with some other mommas and their babies for a walk.

up and coming

*2mos shots (I know I'm late in getting these this is the soonest they could get us in)

*a trip to goodwill, I transitioned my clothes this weekend out with the sweaters and in with the tank tops, shorts and skirts. Which also means goodwill is getting some great outdated stuff. Is it bad that I still have clothes from highschool? I can still fit into them they just aren't very fashionable anymore.

*Easter which means a trip down to Indy

*we will have a 3mos old living with us

*flowers and plants which I know really nothing about will be popping up

*work in SB is moving locations (we've been kicked out of our current location as they are probably going to demo it)

*1/2 marathon is just 11 short weeks away

*budget, Marcus and I will soon be sitting down and working out a budget so our debt can disappear and we can start saving a down payment for our next house

*now that spring has arrived, home improvement projects will be put back on the to do list.


Just a few of things that will be happening in the coming weeks. Some I look forward too while others I could pass on.

survived

Well we all survived my 1st week back to work. Now I did change my schedule and tossed out the super early morning hours. So, I'm working M.W.F. 8a-6p or 7a-5p or I'll work M.W.Th depending on what we have going on. I do like that I have flexiblity in my schedule and can pretty much do whatever I want as long as I get my work done and keep my co-workers on task. I have figured out that I need to be up 2hrs before I need to be walking out the door. This morning I'm actually glad I set my alarm and didn't depend on Ian to wake me cause we would've been late.

I'm sure there's more but I've been going non-stop since 5something this morning and I have computer face.

Till something exciting comes along...

bullets

This is going to be a bullet post:

*I think Ian has his days and nights slightly reversed. He'll sleep say 8:30p-12:30a take a bottle and then sleep 1-2:30a and then he's up and fussy unless he is being held.

*Does anyone else struggle with coming up with their dinner menu each week?

*Is it bad that my car thinks there is a toddler sitting in the front seat and therefore turns off the airbag when it's really just my breast pump, work bag and lunch bag? No I don't pack that much in my lunch bag I think it's my breast pump.

*I'm completely over today, work was not so great and it has just reminded me how much I no longer enjoy doing what I do and that I'm only doing it just for a pay check.

*I can't wait for the weather to improve. I got the official go ahead to start working out again, good thing cause I started doing that 2wks ago. Why do they make you wait 6wks after delivery and not just let you listen to your body?

*I'm so glad I get to stay home with my lil guy tomorrow. Oh how I enjoy my 2 days off a week with him.

That's it, till the next post.

reality

Reality is about to set in. Monday is quickly approaching which means I'm entering back into the working world...boo. I'm not a big fan of un-fun (is that a word? oh i don't care it is now) change. Let me explain having a baby = fun, exciting change, going back to work after baby = un-fun change. I already can see how Monday is going to go. I will be asked "How is Ian doing?" roughly 125 times in a matter of 8hrs which if you do the math means I will be asked that question 15x in 1 hour (sounds like fun huh?) I really do appreciate their concern for him and our family it will just be hard because he won't be with me. And good golly if I talk about him too much we could end up with a leaky mess on our hands those bra pad thingies can only handle so much liquid. I'm sure I will be telling our labor and delivery story a few hundred times (I would direct them here but come on I gotta have someplace to vent about work) and what goes on. I am looking forward to seeing some of my favorite members (it's true I have favorites and I don't care).

Back ground on what I do. I manage 2 Curves facilities 1 in South Bend (north side) and 1 in Elkhart. Curves a facility specially designed for women featuring a 30min workout that is fun, fast and safe. I've been with the company for 6yrs, in August it will be 7yrs. We have members ranging in ages between 20-90. As with any job there are pros and cons. Do I love my job NO, am i passionate about it i would like to say NO, but my parents have a instilled a work ethic into me and because of that I can't half-ass my way through my duties, I go bed at night thinking of ways to grow the business, the majority of my shower thoughts are about work. I went into work to play catch-up a week and half after giving birth. Why because I care about the business and I need a job and if I didn't I would have to live there for a week if not longer to catch up and fix all the errors that people created because they were too lazy to call someone and find out the right way to do it. I find some employees to be frustrating and a waste of my time. And this thought comes to mind: If you have to have a job, why wouldn't you actually try to do it well? Why is complacency good enough for some people and so completely unacceptable for me? Doing things the right way has become a curse......

I'm gonna try not to give this subject anymore of my time for the rest of the weekend. And hopefully I don't have too many posts that fall into this label.

anxious

0I've got 3wks left at home with my lil guy which makes me feel sad and anxious. Now I'm only going back part-time 3 days a week, 10hr days which means I still get to care for him the other 4 days, I still don't want to go but if we want to keep our house, cars, not have creditors calling us, and give our child the life we want to, I have to go back.

I'm sad for the obvious reasons, someone else will be taking care of him and enjoying him. I feel confident in this person I'm simply jealous of them that they get to do this 3x a week and I don't get to do it everyday 24/7.

I feel anxious because I'm worried about the morning routine. I have to be at work at 5:45a which before baby I woke up at 4:15 got showered, ready, ate breakfast and was out the door by 5:25. But now we are adding feed baby and pumping into the routine. I know I could either shower the night before and just simply do damage control to my hair in the AM or wake up at 3:45 and do all it then. On those mornings Marcus has drop off duty so he too will have added duties to his morning routine along with drop off and getting to work on time. Gee no pressure at all, it might help a little if his boss had or wanted children but that's not the case so no sympathy if a rough morning is encountered. Side note I really want to be a fly on the wall the 1st morning Marcus has drop off detail I know he can handle it but I would love to see it all come together.

So not only am I anxious about that but I'm also anxious about sleep time detail. Right now b/c I'm on leave I handle sleep time detail which we only have 1 wake up, usually anywhere between 1-3a. There just seems to be a lot of unknowns and I don't operate well when it comes to the unknowns. Will our lil guy adjust to the changes, will I adjust to the changes, will Marcus adjust to the changes??? We've adjusted well to life as a family of three with some prayer and trusting so we'll continue to take on these changes following the same route. We'll also do some trail runs and I'll practice learning to go with the flow (which I'm awful at). If our trail runs don't go smooth we'll pack up and become traveling gypsies.